Mid Life

A little something I wrote long ago while going through a rich transitional moment.

Midlife. Midworld.
Donning a new black, searching for a new light.

I walk unafraid, knowing there will be moments when I stumble.
I will fall.
Sometimes, I will fall hard—and pause.
But even in that pause, I am still moving forward, still rising along the spiral staircase.

I can’t see what lies ahead, just around the bend.
But when I look back, down through the center, I see clearly how far I’ve come.
All those scattered, solitary steps—somehow, they’ve formed something whole.

Even when I feel fragmented, I can look back and find comfort:
Even in the darkest times,
even when I didn’t want to move,
I did.

I see now the strength it took to reach this point.
I did that.
I… DID… THAT.

So here I am—mid-step, in the dark, with no clear direction.
And still, somehow, I’m moving.
Even when I can’t see my feet, something within me keeps going.
Somewhere inside—maybe not even that deep—there’s a strength carrying me forward.

I know there will come a day when I’ll stand on another step, in the light,
and I’ll look back at this moment.
And it will make sense.
It will mean something.
It will be one small but vital part of the whole picture, the whole path.

So even now, when I don’t feel pieced together,
in that thought—
I find peace.

Written in 2006